Tags: music

*smiles* - coffee swirl

(no subject)

The hate you feel is me.
Watching your every move and silently recording them to use later.
The feeling of watching is me.
Not me.
My mother.
Telling me what to say and think, but they are not her thoughts either.
They are my Aunts.
Asking me to give her reason to breath.
Giving her reason to keep living.
Not living.
Fighting for her grandchildren.
When i called to ask if i could come over, you said yes.
I didn't call.
Really it was my mother.
She prepped me before hand.
She mouthed the words i had to use against you.
To get you to yield so i could see them.
not me.
My Mother.
so she could see them.
so she could assess the damage.
when i got there you were inside.
watching TV.
not watching it.
you were preparing your story.
telling Don he can't say anything.
The kids were outside playing when we walked up.
they tackled me and led me into the apartment.
showing off there puppy.
Not there dog.
There Idea.
It was the only thing they had.
That was their own.
It was their idea.
Their only idea.
That you let them have.
Her name was Precious.
Both its name and the idea it represented.
*smiles* - coffee swirl


Loreena McKennitt has got me wrapped around her little irish fingers... I can't stop listening to her...
and a friend from LJ reminded me of Dar Williams... the one who wrote "the Christians & the pagans" song.. My gosh.. its been so long.
so now Dante's Prayer is winding its way into my brain...

and a line out of one of the stories i was writing is mocking my tired eyes at the moment, so here you go:

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Meh.. I don't know if I like it... but still.. it is a good message she tells the little one.
Now... to go to sleep. thinking of Loreena's voice as it tumbles into my nights fantisies, Tristan's haunting voice weaving silvery strings into my thoughts, and the hum of simple dream noises from the walls surrounding me. farewell to you all, and sleep good, knowing what becomes of your future, is forever up to you.
  • Current Music
    The Dark Side Of the Soul <~> Loreena McKennitt
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*smiles* - coffee swirl

for.. Ace..from me.. or rather.. the other me..

Bite me.. i needed to.. Its a song.. so bite me.

By: Freya Blackspike

So cold
In this night alone
By yourself
No wings, no phone
Wondering the streets
In search warmth
You only want to know why

Why are you here?
Why are you alone?
Doesn’t anybody,
Want to take you home
Why on these dark nights
Are you so cold?

The decisions that made this
The thoughts that transpired
The feeling that came next
That downward spiral
Why did they happen?
To a person like you?
Doesn’t anybody really love you?

Why are you here?
Why are you alone?
Doesn’t anybody,
Want to take you home
Why on these dark nights
Are you so cold?
Why are you here?
Why are you so cold?

When was the last time you really ate?
Was it three days ago, was it a week?
When was the last time, you got hug?
When was the last time you felt loved?

So cold
In this night alone
By yourself
No wings, no phone
Wondering the streets
In search warmth
Why are you here?
Why are you alone?
Why on these dark nights
Are you so cold?
Why are you here?
Why aren’t you home?

and... from the other me.

I Would
By: Annabelisa Shrine

If I could take away your pain
I would
In heart beat or less
I would
If I could see you to a home tonight
Buried treasure
A guiding light
I would
I would lay down my world
If only you knew
If only I knew
I could
  • Current Music
    Fan.. Thoughts... clicking mouse and keyboard
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    , ,
*smiles* - coffee swirl


Once again can' sleep.. i wrote something on angelofchains That should help me at least forget a little about some stuff... but here is a little more... There just small things... short peices that will find homes in future works most likely but for now are lone duckys which might end up in cards.

Our voices still linger in that room
But you'll never know it anymore
Your too far away to know
I keep you away from the heart you've torn
Don't worry, your too far away to know
Too far for the pain to reach you
Far enough so you can escape
Leaving me to sit and morn


My angel stands in a shaded place
With dazzling rain upon her cheeks
A smile balanced on her chin
Her eyes pulling up her grin

The Angel one is actually part of one i wrote.. but i can't find it... I wrote it while at church back in June and thats the only bit that stays in my mind... *growls* I wish i had super memorie :P
Oh.. and Constantine is REALLY good.. I actually enjoyed it alot :P
*smiles* - coffee swirl

Cause Melissa got me thinking about it

Because i think everyone needs a hug, even if they have to read about it to get it, besides.. this just wouldn't leave my brain.. i was making it up in my head and decided to share :P

Hug me

Wrap me up in a hug
A hug so tight i cant move
Hold me and don't let me go
squeeze me so i know
let your arms hold me still
wrap me up so i don't float away

Pull me close into a hug
rest your chin upon my head
Ground me to this land
wrap me up in arms like bands
enveloping my pain so I cant feel it
holding me closer so I can feel you

Hide me in your Hug
Protect me from feeling it all
Let your fingers twine into my hair
letting me know your still there
shrouding what is there when you let go
But making it that much more bearable

Immerse me in a hug
Pull me into your frame
Hold me closely in your arms
Shield me from all harm
shelter my heart from the world around me
Clutch me tight enough so it will never break

Lock me into your hug
For days at a time
Into an embrace were i can do anything
stabilize me and make my blood sing
secure me into that state of mind
and I'll let you anchor it in my soul
*smiles* - coffee swirl

Tristan... wow...

To say the least it was surreal... i didn't think it was all happening... When i first walked in i was like... "where is she?" i was thinking that she had left for some reason.. then.. the crowds parted (and i mean crowds) and i saw her.. black Nasscar shirt, and black pinstrip pants (like mine).. My hands were shaking so bad... i couldn't even hug her for a few minutes because i was scared...
We were told to move to another side of the dennys... god.. i wanted to laugh so hard as we all moved over... I hugged her as she went around the corner and heard her say into me ear "Its so great to see you" and i don't know if i thought it or said it but i was just "Its so great to see you, you have no idea"
I had to continue to not cry as we all sat down... we all started talking i was just looking around... feeling ... not so much left out as nastalgic.
So many people i knew.. some i didn't.. but most i had invited for her. (Me, Being the Drama Nerd Invited everyone i could contact)I growl at the people that said they would come but didn't - *growl!!*
Nick Adams came... then left quickly, picked up his guitar and Hermonica, and came back.. at which he proceeded to write a song about her. *sigh* I don't know if he wrote one but he played some gooooood guitar!
After a while the some 32 (!)(yes, i counted) people that showed up started to leave (:() and we were left with a group of about 9 or 10... not that many... and talk seemed to turn back to how things were. we talked about everything pretty much... Everything... There was a point were talked turned to her father in which i couldn't help but give her a hug about... Then we talked about how much she has helped us.. and that means in two ways.. In school and with out mental health.. there were a few kids ( i will not name names.) that revieled if it were not for her that many of us would be long dead by now. mostly be suicide. truly... And i think i can say... that we most likely would have.. i told them there in front of everyone that i know i wouldn't have been there sevral days out of the year if it were not for her e-mails... keeping me loved, so to speek. I kneeled behind her and just rested my head on her shoulder, I put one hand on her other shoulder and she grabbed it and seemed to squeeze it when she felt a little tense.. it was like a momma giving birth.. not so intense... but enough to know shes tensing up... you know.. casting her "babys" into a world I guess would be kinda similar to birth. lol. But it was good too feel it... It just... ment something to me to have her doing even that.
Alex Ingarta showed up.. I was blown over with that... I was hoping there would be a way for her to show up, and she did, she looked wonderful... ha! She ordered as soon as she got there and she had pancakes and grapefruit juice with bacon.. yes yes. But it was so good to see her..
Through all this I passed around the Drama quilt.. and to my dismay.. not everyone signed it *grumbles* But to those who did... this is wonderfull.
There were some that got a bit confused and thought that it would be going too her... *twinkly wink* it will.. eventually.
But here are some of the things that were written on there today.. just to show you a bit of what the mood was like:
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And that was just some of the love...
I want to move down there.. but i will get my certificate for teaching and all my stuff first... see what its like in the "real world" first. *sigh* and then.. i can explain all... and hopefully be in a completely differant state by then :P

Okay.. okay.. enough.. theres more to what happened but im taking up a ton of space as it is.
I would tell you more. but seeing as she hasn't posted yet... i don't think i will -_^
*smiles* - coffee swirl

Some people might not get this

I think i know of one person so far that would get the significance of this post/ quote.... And if other do... well then... *grins*

"There is no fulfillment that is not made sweeter for the prolonging of desire."

*grins and blushes*

PS... I find that if i read this book and have Within Temptation playing softly in the background i memorize the context a little better...
*smiles* - coffee swirl


I tried to update last night... but kept falling asleep... and my computer started trying to freeze up.... so what did i do? i started exiting out of the screens i wasnt using... that.. in error, caused me to exit out of the screen i had my update on! Gah!
But here would be the basic jist...
four days till Tristan Arrives, Four! Wee! Havent seen her for ages! (literly!... i had just turned 15 when she left! Im 17 now!) The last image i had off her i frced myself to remember... Her driving away in her loaded u white... i think it was an outback.... pulling out and having about three kids kinda stairing after her in differant locations... I had tears streaming down my face... She pulled up to the light, put her hair in a pony tail and drove off... i waited for her to look back... she didn't i cried a bit harder then walked home.... it took till aboutseptember fr me to snap out of it... even then i had to adjust to not being able to see her, nor contact her because i had lost all the information to reach her with. I still kinda want to remember what she wrote on the paper.. as i have forgotten now.... But when CK gave me her e-mail i regained connection... the convos are still a bit faulty at times because it still feels like im talking to "Ms. Hendrickson" not Tristan, but often times it does feel like i am talking to "Tristan", a dear friend. I really do hope that that connection stays affter i see her again shortly.. that it does not diminish after taling with her in person.
Later today im supposed to be picked up by Kaleigh... My best friend... Really... i think we are becoming closer as friends... i never thought we could... never.. i thought we were as close as we could get, but we found topics we have never shared before and have become closer still... Its amazing... but then she will be leaving on the 28th (she leaves at 7 am to Tristans Arrival at 10 am... grrr... couldnt switch the arrival and departure times around could they!) and it will be back to hardly any contact... grrr... I hate long distance phone calls... and she cant get on the internet alot... *sigh* tis why i tresure the moments i get with her when she is out here.
The play in the park (Twelfth Night) on friday was AWESOME!!!!! The fool, Feste, did an excelent job, i loved how Maria was played and sir toby! Andrews part was done superbly, viola played her role excelently and so did Sebastion. *sigh* I loved Malvolios part as well... lets just say theres a part where he is required to wear grossgarted yellow stockings and smile a lot. He smiled alot.. and he wore what he was told.. and then some. No where have i seen a Malvolio dress up in all yellow and Happy face boxers... It was very cold... and he was out in the cold air with pretty much JUST boxers! BWAHAHAHA! The dedication and obediance!! Fwargg! I talked to Olivia afterwards and she said that George Mount (!) was looking for interns Wee! So i got home and sent a letter to the Wooden O theatre... Heres to hoping i get a job with them!
And now... Wee! Im watching the new trailer for Serenity and just about drooling! Eep! I cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bangs head on the table* WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT TILL SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!!!

Until the End of time
She gets what she takes
~The Noble and Patient Anna